Where are you coming from, Spiderman?

See, now this is the kind of deal I like: Newcastle sign Jonas Gutierrez. Not because Gutierrez is an actual attacking winger (unlike James Milner), or that he has some small modicum of credibility as an Argentina international (unlike the most recent Newcastle forays into La Liga, Jose Enrique and Albert Luque), or that judging by his goal celebration he is bat-shit insane.

No, I like this because no one saw this coming. I read something yesterday that said Newcastle had been linked with over a hundred players since the end of the year, but I had seen nary a report about Gutierrez. This suggests that the freakshow that is Newcastle United has been struck by a lightning blast of dumb luck from the clear blue sky, or they are actually doing something right. Unlike poor Liverpool, who can't buy Gareth Barry until they unload Peter Crouch, or Tottenham, who seem bent on starting the season with one striker--unfortunately, Darren Bent.

This is the kind of dealing I like. I weary of 24-hour news, and CNBC and bloggers who fill the universe with recycled non-news. Sports journalism, thanks largely to the efforts of the Worldwide Misleader, has become much the same. We must get eyeballs on our website today, so we must have something new to report. How about this rumor that I heard in the bathroom at Fenway that the Red Sox want Adam Dunn from the Reds for a promise to never trade them Bronson Arroyo again?

No, no. Let's go back to bolt-out-of-the-blue blockbusters, where I wake up one morning and suddenly the entire Florida Marlins are playing for the Tigers or the Red Sox, or Eric Dickerson is a Colt, or Michael Owen is going to (of all places) Newcastle. Let's have news when it's news, fully cooked and ready to serve, not runny and cold with rumor.