Certain sign of the apocalypse

I can't believe I'm writing this. It's like writing 2 + 2 = 5. I see it on the page, but I know it can't be true. Anyway, I agree (mostly) with Peggy Noonan.

Thoughts on sport, 5/25/08

1. The Reds should sign Adam Dunn to an extension for two reasons. They will not replace 40 home runs, 100 RBI and 100 walks through free agency or trade. And no one is willing to trade what the Reds need (a #2 pitcher to put behind Harang/Volquez) for what they have to offer (Dunn or Griffey). I dislike strikeouts as much or more than the average fan, but there's something to be said for consistency and playing 160 games a year.

2. Hull City should make plans for investing their windfall from going up to the Premier League--and that should include the parachute payments they'll receive for being relegated at the end of next season. Who do you add to your Hull City side? Do you pry away the best from the Championship (for which you're probably competing with the bottom half of the Premier League)? Skim the cream from the sides relegated from the Premier League (which from this lot would be all of six players)? Look overseas (for which you probably don't have the budget since you're just now going up)? For Hull to stay up they'll need a stout Premier League-quality defense and someone under the age of 39 who can score. I'm not sure £60 million will buy that.

3. Newcastle United are not so deep that they can afford to let many players go, but I think Shola Ameobi is likely gone. Apparently, he is wanted in MLS. If so, good for MLS, good for Toronto and good for Ameobi. Now he just needs find the back of the net. It's the meshy part just past the pipes. Seriously, Ameobi could be a viable striker in the (bottom half) of the Premier League. I think he became too comfortable and complacent at Newcastle. If there's a chance that he's considering coming to Toronto, that's a huge step for the league. It owes a lot to John Carver, Toronto's manager, but it's good all the same. There's a huge difference between poaching a decent player like Ameobi from Europe and a has-been like Laurent Robert.

4. Is anyone else as amused as I am that Toronto FC's kit and stadium sponsor is the Bank of Montreal?

5. This is priceless for anyone who is not a Chelsea fan:



6. I had thought that Aston Villa might be even better next year if they manage to keep Gareth Barry. But if Martin O'Neill is really in for Stephen Carr to join the Villans, then no, they won't be better next year.

7. Jeterate. Learn it. Use it.

Thank God for time zones

The Champions League final went so long that my TiVo stopped recording before the first period of extra time was over. Fortunately for me (and for Verizon), ESPN showed the game again in primetime since first viewing came during primetime in Moscow. As such, I got to watch the whole match, albeit after I already knew who had won. And, of course, I have a few thoughts.

Hero: Carlos Tevez and Rio Ferdinand were the best players on the pitch, because despite the stunning beauty of Ronaldo's goal (I hate that guy so much that I like him) he was a non-factor in the rest of the match. The hero, however, is Anderson. That's right. If he misses his penalty after Terry misses his, Chelsea wins anyway. He stepped up to the spot with no hesitation or jukery (we saw how well that worked for Ronaldo) and simply put the ball past Petr Cech.

Goat: It's easy (and fun) to pick on Didier Drogba. I saw him described recently as a battering-ram-type forward, and I think that's appropriate to all aspects of his play and personality. But the real goats here are Chelsea's attack. Kalou, Malouda, Cole, Ballack, Anelka and even Lampard despite the goal, which came on a poached ball that was Manchester United's one real defensive lapse of the game--and one that owed nothing to Drogba smashing his way through the defense. Impotent. John Terry, despicable though he is and despite his missed penalty, did everything right keeping Chelsea in it defensively. The absence of Arjen Robben has been conspicuous this season.

One more thing: Champions League in HD is made of awesome.

More daily reading: Hal McCoy

If Joe Posnanski is universally regarded as the best sportswriter in America, that's only because Hal McCoy writes for the Dayton Daily News and not a bigger paper in a bigger city about a bigger team. I've put both guys' blogs in the sidebar.

Hal's blog is a new feature this season (his 36th covering the Reds), and after some initial obligatory postings, his blog has become a fascinating repository of his memories, the things he sees behind the scenes with the Reds and pointed criticism of, well, everything. So far this year we've seen him take his personal friend and former Reds GM Wayne Krivsky to task for the man's own culpability in his firing, defend Ken Griffey, Jr. from his myriad detractors and explain to Jerry Hairston, Jr. why he's not voting for Sosa, Bonds, McGwire or Clemens for the Hall of Fame. Brilliant.

My favorite McCoy story: before the 2005 season started, complaints about Ken Griffey, Jr. abounded, but Hal kept the faith. He said that if Junior didn't hit 30 home runs in '05 that he would eat his own article with mustard. On August 25th, Griffey hit #30. After the game, Griffey autographed the ball, numbered it and gave it to McCoy. Why is this my favorite story? Because Griffey hit that home run at RFK in Washington against the Nationals. And I saw it, the only home run I've ever seen him hit in person.

Things going on outside my office

Having come up for air today after yesterday's rather pathetic first attempt at the CFA practice exam, I discover that the universe has continued in its gravitationally appointed course without me. Some observations.

1. Hyperbole works for some people. Robin Williams, for example. Not so much for John McCain, who claims that Iran is just as much a threat to the U.S. as the Soviet Union was. (Via Making Light.) Huh?I say hyperbole, because it must be figurative speech at work here, or at least an effort. Because otherwise he's lost touch with reality.

2. Joey Barton is scum. Not even Newcastle fans are rising to his defense (though he really hasn't given them much on the pitch to endear himself). We idolize athletes, while at the same time we hope that some part of them is just like us. Well, it appears that, like so many commoners, Barton is bent on self-destruction. Probably not what most sports fans (even Newcastle's) have in mind there.

3. The big used book store down the road is going out of business. I picked up copies of House of Leaves, Sarah Canary, Alan Furst's Night Soldiers, Michael Connelly's non-fiction Crime Beat and Best American Mystery Stories 2001, edited by Lawrence Block, all for $17. I didn't spend much time with their mass-market paperbacks, but I may go back and see what bargains can be had there. The owners say that the store just isn't economical: they simply sell too few books. There are lots of factors at play there, including a robust public library system (why buy even a used book when you can very likely get it at the library for free?) and a poor store location. But I wonder what the future holds for reading as a pastime.

4. I was on board with Dusty Baker. Not anymore. Volquez has thrown nearly 120 pitches in three straight starts. Arroyo does not have the stamina to go past five innings, yet he still gets trotted out for the fifth and sixth with nobody up in the bullpen. Baker is asleep at the switch--as evidenced by the batting out of order nonsense two weeks ago. This is a team that can hang with quality opponents. But not when their manager acts like it's 1936 and his four man rotation will pitch 154 times and have over a hundred complete games.

5. Bones is quality TV. That's saying something, because forty minutes through last night's show I was ready to never watch the show again. It started with a twist, and continued twisting until the very end. They managed only a narrow save of plausibility (sorry, don't want to put up any spoilers), but I was satisfied. Barely.

Keith Olbermann for President

Don't tell me you haven't wished it.

Selective acquiescence

I am alive. Just so you know.

The CFA exam approacheth. Twenty-five days remain. I am studying in damn near every waking moment. I am focusing my efforts on the material that makes up the biggest portions of the test: financial statements, quantitative methods, ethics, economics, fixed income and equity. I'll take my first practice exam some time next week. That will tell me what I really have to work on.

I've already decided that some material (mainly esoteric statistical whosiwhatsits) are not worth the investment of more time. Now, if I take the test and that's all that's on there, well, I may have to revisit that stance. But I'm giving up on that so as to be secure in the subject matter that I think I actually understand. You have to know which battles need fighting.

There's a lot that I've wanted to write about--Eight Belles, Fulham staying up and maybe playing in Europe next year, KK's reality check for Newcastle United, the incredible suck that is the Reds, Reed's violin lessons, the hot brown casserole I made for the Derby party--but all that will have to wait. I feel guilty taking time from the chapter on allocative efficiency in the Economics book just to write this.

Out of faze

Today's headline at the Times' website: "Grant Unphased by Sack Rumours."

Look, unless Avram Grant was likely to be unsynchronized or thrown out of a regular course of development, he was not "unphased." Rather he was "unfazed."

You see this very mistake ALL THE FRICKING TIME in places where you might expect at least ONE person who knows something about the English language to be reading the copy before it goes out. Places like The Wall Street Journal, or the Times of London.

And don't get me started on the other constantly misused pair: loathe and loath. Quick summary? Okay. Loathe is a verb. I loathe misuse of the word "loath." Loath is an adjective. I am loath to ignore mistakes in usage of this word. Not I am loathe... AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!

UPDATE, 1:19 p.m.: The Times have fixed their error.

That and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee

(Yeah, I know I said I wasn't going to post much else this week, but I'm mad.)

So what's a Silver Star worth in the U.S. Army? Not much--if you're a woman.

This article in The Washington Post shows just how a conservative, conventional set of social mores is hamstringing the U.S. military. It is disgusting that whackjobs like W and Duncan Hunter (R-California) insist that we must spend obscene amounts of money so that American troops have the very best training, equipment and support because it's our patriotic duty, but also insist that women--even women who prove their competence, bravery and patriotism in combat by earning a Silver Star--must not be allowed in combat areas, for such well-articulated and common sensical reasons as "that just ain't right," or its political bullshit equivalent. It's ridiculous to say that we must have an all-volunteer military but then to prohibit an enormous portion of that military from the jobs, like infantry and cavalry, in which we most desperately need competent people. (The same logic also would--nay, it must--apply to homosexuals.)

Two callouts from the article seal it, the first from her platoon leader--"She did her job perfectly"--and the second from the gunner in her humvee--"I've seen a lot of grown men who didn't have the courage and weren't able to handle themselves under fire like she did. She never missed a beat." And for that we thank you for your service, but get back in the kitchen where you belong. (Or, as noted in the article, take a staff position at the White House, comments on which I will leave for another post about hypocrisy.)